Full of Grace
by sdl458
Summary: Santana Lopez. Five songs, five drabbles.


**AN: Hey, long time no see. Feel free to hate me for not updating anything ever, but I do have a legitimate excuse. My course load this year entails a horrendous amount of work and it's pretty much all I have time for, along with halfheartedly trying to maintain some kind of a life. I know I just need to get my ass in gear, but come on. Anyway. I tried that shuffle songfic thing, where I get five songs on shuffle and write drabbles about them. I wrote this over the summer, so I did have to modify some things when I edited it. And omg, Santana, my bb. I can't believe Finn did that. And if you try to tell me he was justified in doing that, I will cut you. Okay. I need to shut up and let you read this. And just so you know, reviews make the little writer in my head very happy.**

**There Is a Light That Never Goes Out- The Smiths**

_Take me out tonight, because I want to see people and I want to see life._

The day before Santana starts her senior year, she calls Brittany. She answers on the third ring.

"Take me out," she says, not even waiting for her to respond, "Take me downtown. We're going to have dinner and see a stupid romantic comedy and it's going to be wonderful."

"I…what?" Brittany stammers.

"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes."

"Okay…" she says, still confused. "But what are you even talking about? Are you okay, San?"

"I just want a real date. All we ever do is hook up. So, you in?"

"I guess."

**Vaporize- Broken Bells**

_It's not too late to feel a little more alive/ Make an escape, before we start to vaporize_

"I need to get out," Santana announces to Quinn when she walks into their dorm. "I know, I'm out of Lima and in college but I'm still stuck in Ohio."

"So?" Quinn replies. "Santana, you're pretty and smart. You'll go far in life."

"Not in Ohio I won't. I'm gonna go back to Lima and live with my parents after college. Then I'll be in an entry-level job for the rest of my life and I'll be miserable. And don't pretend that you don't know the same thing's gonna happen to you. We have to get out of here, Quinn. You, me, and Britt. Just like old times."

"You're crazy, San. Yeah, maybe we won't be as happy in Ohio as we would be in, I don't know, New York or California, but we're in college. That's a hell of a lot better than most people do. So we should be glad that we actually have options."

"Quinn, are you fucking blind? Yeah, we're in college. But the only time we've ever left this state is to go to Nationals. For _glee club_. We're never going to be anyone if we stay in Ohio. And this place is not the most accepting environment for a closeted lesbian. And I don't even know what's up with you, but you are so not straight. We need to get out before that hellhole called Lima sucks us back in. Face it, Quinn, if we don't escape now we never will."

Quinn sighed, running her fingers through your hair. "I would stay back here and watch you go off alone, but God knows what kind of trouble you'd get into…where do you even want to go?"

"New York."

**Hero- Regina Spektor**

_I'm the hero of this story/ don't need to be saved_

"What's wrong?" Brittany asked as she rummaged through her locker.

"Nothing," Santana murmured. "Why do you keep asking me that lately?"

"Because you have sad eyes and you always look so…empty."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Santana snapped defensively. "I'm _fine_."

"No you're not. You're always so mad at everything. More than you usually are. Everyone knows something's up and you won't let us help you out. But we really, really want to, San."

"I won't let you help me because I _don't need help!_" Santana screamed, attracting the attention of the few students in the hallway. "I'm fine. I am so fucking fine. I don't need anyone, okay? I'm fine."

"If you're so fine, then why are you about to cry?" Brittany said softly, putting her hand on Santana's shoulder.

"I-I'm not crying," Santana said despite the tears running down her face. "I'm fine."

"Look, whatever it is, it's gonna be okay. You're Santana! You can get through anything."

"It's not gonna be okay this time," Santana sobbed, finally releasing the emotions that she had been holding back for weeks. "I came out to my parents and they kicked me out. I've been living out of my car in the school parking lot for two weeks."

"I…oh my God, I had no idea. I'm so sorry." Brittany hugged Santana tightly and whispered in her ear, "You can live with me. Bring your stuff to my house after school and move in."

"I love you, you know that?"

**Blinding- Florence + The Machine**

_Felt it in my fists, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids/ Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through to my ribs_

Santana flopped on to her bed and didn't move for twenty minutes, trying to hold on to the warm, tingly feeling that was running through her body. _This must be what love feels like, _she thought. _I've got to do this more often._

Brittany was amazing. She was warm and gentle and sexy all at the same time and when Santana was with her, it just felt so right. It felt like they should have been doing this their whole lives instead of just starting tonight. Her mom thought she was high when she crept through the door with a goofy, dazed grin on her face. But it was just Brittany.

And she would never, ever admit it to anyone, but Santana might possibly _like_ her.

**Full Of Grace- Sarah McLachlan**

_I feel just like I'm sinking and I claw for solid ground/ Pulled down by the undertow, never thought I could feel so low_

_Did you hear about Santana Lopez?_

_What, did she die or something?_

_No, dumbass, she's right there._

_So what's her deal?_

_She's a _lesbian_. _

_That's disgusting. _

_I know, right? She is so gonna die if she stays at this school._

_Yeah, remember how that Kurt kid left?_

_I wonder why he even came back._

_Whatever. Santana and I used to be friends, you know? But now I can't even talk to her or she might try to kiss me or something._

_Nasty._

Santana tried her best to ignore the demeaning whispers that followed her everywhere. She was going to fucking kill Finn for outing her.

"Get out of my way, Lopez!"

Her body was slammed against a locker. Everyone stared at her, waiting for a vicious response.

"Fuck you, Azimio," she mumbled.

She was too tired to fight back. Her whole world had just come crashing down and she was expected to have a witty one-liner for that.

Not happening.


End file.
